The secret truth about wombats has been revealed here. Stop and read it now. Nothing will make sense until you do. Take your time. I’ll wait.


Welcome back. I myself am only half wombat as you can tell from my name. If you have actually read the article by the wombat expert, Mark Hulme-Jones, you now know why I am so outspoken on political matters. All of us are like that – even half wombats.

But bigger things are afoot. Just the other night I was travelling on Perth’a beloved commuter train service when an inebriated wombat began to make a lengthy attack on multiculturalism which, I admit, made a certain amount of sense. I could tell it was a wombat by the distinctive tone of his grunting but I couldn’t actually see him until he got up to leave the train. You can imagine my surprise and consternation when instead of the usual fur coat favored by these chappies I discovered he was affecting a full set of desert camos as worn by all our well dressed soldiers in Iraq. In these parlous times such a fashion statement conveyed a sinister message despite the 200 years that elapsed since the end of the Wombat Wars.

After the apparently combat ready wombat had disappeared into the darkness I heard from behind me the barely audible words -”Bloody beastie.” I waited a decent interval before turning around to the lone man – shaved head, massive upper body development – sitting near me and saying, “I say, I thought the desert camos a nice touch.” He gave a knowing laugh and we got to talking. It turned out he was a recently retired member of the Provisional Wing of the IRA who had ‘done some hard yards in old London town’. He reckoned that the hard boys on the London underground kept the ferrets down and the behavior or our Wombats was shocking. “These people in Perth have no bloody balls.” He opined. He then made some withering remarks about the treaty and our politicians being cheaply bought off by a few ‘gifts.’ I didn’t let on that I was half wombat myself of course and just said that I was as amazed as he was that everyone just looked down at the floor when they started complaining about pensions or the skyrocketing cost of school uniforms or whatever it was this week. Fortunately he too got off the train after a few stops and I was left alone for the rest of the journey to contemplate my uncertain future.

The Principal Wombat addressing the recent Labor Party Conference in Perth

2 Responses to “Wombats Loose in the Top Paddock”  

  1. 1 Julian Seery Gude

    Bloody brilliant!

  2. 2 Liz T

    The local train is so much better than a soap box. One can always hear and understand the rumblings of Wombats. You do, of course, need to have studied the varying dialects as each warren have their own. As I’m sure you are aware being one of mixed blood.!!!!

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